Maxed Out Puppetry

My name is Mary-Jane, and I’d like to announce publicly that I’m running for president on the Repuppetcan ticket.

Throughout the next year, I’ll be blogging about my views on the issues. I’ll also tell you how you can join my Veritable Army of Campaigners. With your help, but mostly with my incredible talents and skills and charisma and sheer puppet beauty and general awesomeness, I’ll win the election in 2008. Then together we, but mostly me, will take over the nation.

What are my qualifications, you ask? Well, I know I’d be a good president because already I’ve been president of many things. Here are just a few of them:

• President of the Society for Writing Haikus About Umbrellas
• President of the Society of People Who Think “Psychosomatica” Would Be a Good Name for a Band
• President of the Society for the Doing of Little Dances of Joy
• President of the Mary-Jane Fan Club (for two nonconsecutive terms)
• President of the Belief in Unicorns
• President of the Society for the Propafreakinggation of Infixes
• President of The People Who Throw Junk Together and Try to Sell It As Modern Art Union (local #42)
• President of the Association of Presidents of Societies for Things (western region)
• President of the Association of People who Have Been President of Things for Two Nonconsecutive Terms

Also, I’m the boss of my own life, and nobody can tell me what to do. So there.

If you’ve got any political questions for me, email me using the “contact” link on the Maxed Out Puppetry website. I’ll post selected questions and answers at www.maxedoutpuppet.com/maryjanefreedom2008.

So-the real question. Can I raise enough money to be a strong contender? I’ve already got a good start on my fundraising. I emptied out my entire bank account and used it buy a metal detector. In just one afternoon in my backyard, I found $3.23, an old pair of scissors, two soda cans, and a bottle cap. I’m going to take the bottle cap to an antique dealer. It looks old. It’s probably worth thousands.

I should mention that it is illegal for campaigns to ask for very large money donations. That’s why I’m only asking for very large money donations through a top secret website. If you can read this coded address, go ahead and check it out: ccc.nzcvwlfgkfkkvgib/zeirgzyovzinbulinzibqzmv. Unless you are in the FBI. Then you should go find something else to read.

Oh, wait, did I mention that I’m running for President of the United States? I should probably say that.