Maxed Out Puppetry

Have you ever sat in the chambers of the Supreme Court, watching the justices chew on their glasses thoughtfully? Have you thought, Hey, I could do that!? Now’s your chance! I’m sponsoring a national essay contest to decide who I would appoint to the court if I win the 2008 presidential election.

Because here’s one thing I’ve noticed about the Supreme Court Justices - they’re a little harsh. They pay way too much attention to laws and precedents and the Constitution. They seem to forget that real people are at the heart of each case. People who have been charged with crimes and are having a really tough time in their lives. I mean, I’ve never been accused of a crime per se, but it sounds pretty stressful.

If elected, I will add new officers to the court. We’ll still have the same nine Supreme Court Justices, worrying about the Constitution. But we’ll balance them out with nine Supreme Court Mercies, who will worry about the defendants. To make sure the defendants feel good about the proceedings and can get on with their lives. So if you ever find yourself on the wrong end of a Supreme Court case, you'll have the security of knowing that the Mercies are sworn to protect your freedom from the Constitution.

I’ve already appointed a bipartisan committee to appoint a blue ribbon commission to judge the essays. If you would like to be considered for one of the nine posts - which will have health benefits - send your essay now! The essays should be titled “Why I Want To Be On the Supreme Court” and be no more than 382 words long. To submit your essay, go to www.MaxedOutPuppetry.com. Click on the “Contact” link and direct your message to Mary-Jane. I’ll announce the winners as soon as we have at least nine entries.

Excerpts from some of the fine essays we’ve received so far:

“Questioning a person’s motives constitutes an unreasonable search of those motives. So if you claim you did something with good intentions - that claim is constitutionally protected.”
Heather, retired veterinarian

“I’d be good because I can psychically enter the mind of the defendants and know for sure what went on.”
Scott, yoga instructor

“I hope that being on the Supreme Court will jumpstart my acting career. Because I didn’t get on ‘Survivor.’ I don’t mind being typecast as the good guy. I do have kind of a baby face.”
Greg, known to audiences as “Frank” in the HBO musical “Leftists!”

“All these criminals have mothers, and those mothers don’t always make it to court.”
Cathy, retired mother

“I want to be on the Supreme Court because I stole a car and I have to do something for community service hours.”
Mike, high school student

“Some people say that the Supreme Court Mercy plan is a gross breach of the Constitution. On the contrary. We rely on the constitution. Especially on the part banning cruel and unusual punishment."
George, Air Force chaplain

VOTE MARY-JANE FOR PRESIDENT!

www.MaxedOutPuppetry.com/maryjanefreedom2008